You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
