i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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