We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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