He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
