Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
