she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
