I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
