first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
