Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
