At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
