That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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