forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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