I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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