i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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