wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
