i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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