Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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