guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
