Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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