god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
