Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
