she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
