I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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