she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
