Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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