bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
