are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
