The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
there is glitter all over my balls
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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