you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
