Joe is yelling at the trees again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
