Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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