i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
