I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
