Just fell off a train. Bad.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
