you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will pee on everything he values.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
