im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
