I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
