i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
