Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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