I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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