I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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