you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
