You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
