But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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