I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
