My first STD was from a foam party
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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