Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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