Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
