So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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