Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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