Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
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I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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