wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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