You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
