I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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