mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
