I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone shattered a urinal.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
