Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We got so high we made milksteak
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
