i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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