don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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