and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
