Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
