I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
